Saturday, August 30, 2008

Guilt part deux

I was going to comment to Lynn's post, but figured it would be a lengthy one and my thoughts would keep rambling on. I thought I'd write a new post.

I've been having guilt/regret moments lately. I hate it. Everything Lynn said is true for wahms, really everyone, but when you throw in owning your business, it's more than guilt for either a) not spending more time w/ your husband and kids or b) cleaning your house or volunteering for something. There is always c) doing ANYTHING that has to do w/ your business.

Right now I "should" be a) hanging out w/ my hubby before he goes to work
b) cleaning up the kitchen and the dining room
c) processing an order, updating my web site, straightening my desk

Instead, I'm posting a blog! I've always had guilt frustrations about home/work. Lately I'm having regret sneak it's ugly head in. I love my company, love designing pillowcases, enjoy the satisfaction of creating, guiding, running a business. I have the American Dream:) The dreaded "but" comes in when all that guilt seems to back me into a corner. When the being a wahm is too much. Yes, it's all self imposed. My husband thinks I'm doing a great job and doesn't care if there is dust on the furniture. My boys think it's nice that I'm home. I on the other hand, have moments when it's just too much and all I want to do is dig in my garden, bake cookies and read for a month!

The regret that I had never taken this leap of faith and challenged myself to be a business owner, then have kids and try to "do it all". I've never felt this least not this way. I couldn't imagine having continued my job as a sales manager after I got married, let alone after having kids. I LOVE my life and the decisions that have brought me here. Is it horrible to have those moments when I want to get off this merry go round?? Oh, I know I would last a couple days LOL Then my husband would lock me in my office and not let me out til I processed orders, updated my web site and straightened out my desk!! I'd go crazy NOT being a wahm!

Life is tough, I've said I'm trying to get rid of the negatives and focus on all that is good in the world and my own life. Outside influences are really what makes that difficult...but that's a whole different post on politics and society! For now, I'll work out this guilt/regret thing. The good news is that should only take a few starts on Tuesday and both our boys will be gone "all day". I'll have hours and hours of uninterrupted WORK - woohoo!! Look for a post somewhere in the next 2 weeks about how much I miss them and love being with them all summer:)

Now, I'm off to the kitchen, bake some cookies and spend the afternoon w/ family...the business will still be here and Tuesday I'll have to put my roller skates back on to catch up!

1 comment:

Stitchen said...

Remember what is important Lynn and Peggy and WHY you do what you do in the first place. I have been there, done that. I think all us WAHMz have. You will miss the kids when they are back in school but you will get so much done and then have homemade cookies waiting for them when they gt home. Oh, I remember those days, when my youngest was still at home and I was working way too many hours. A big hug from hubby and a few tickles and giggles from the kids will make it all better. I promise you.